Mom's Recovery

Honoring Mom

2006-03-07T16:44:00.000-08:00

Kid Sis/ Elisabeth Fies speaking here. Mom's dearest wish was that her story would inspire other smokers to quit. To honor her, please post your commitment and progress in your brave battle against nicotine. I want to continue tallying how many people have quit because of Mom's Cancer.

And to those of you who have lung cancer and did not smoke, my family's thoughts and prayers are with you. We willl do our best to continue getting the word into the media that
NO ONE WHO HAS LUNG CANCER DESERVES IT.

Mom wrote beautifully about her daily struggles recovering from chemo and radiation. If you are not familiar with blogs, begin reading entries from the bottom up. You can even start at the beginning of her archives in January 2005.

I'm sure you'll come to love her feisty, positive spirit as much as we do. And Mom will be tickled pink wherever she is to know that she is being heard and helping others in living a purposeful life.

Love and Light,
Lis

Post Script

2005-10-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to leave a note to say I don't expect there'll be any further entries to "Mom's Recovery." This was Mom's blog and now it's finished. However, I think we'll leave it here for a while; there's a lot of Mom's personality, humor and spirit captured here, especially in the earlier entries before I took over writing for her. If you want to know more about Mom, read her archives from last June and earlier.

Meanwhile, I have a blog focusing on the upcoming publication of the book "Mom's Cancer," while my Kid Sis writes about her life and interests in her blog, "Kid Sis in Hollywood." You're welcome to visit.

Thanks so much to everyone who read Mom's blog: the few new friends she made, the many who left encouraging comments or e-mails, and the many more who just transmitted good wishes Mom's way that she was certain she could feel. Our gratitude to you all.

Brian Fies

The End of Mom's Recovery

2005-10-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

Brian here. I’m sorry to have to write that Mom passed away the afternoon of Saturday, October 1. She died peacefully and painlessly with family and friends, including my sisters and me. She was 66.

It seems odd to say that Mom’s death came as a surprise but, until even hours before the end, we and her physicians always saw a reasonable path to recovery. In fact, I’d flown to southern California just three days earlier to help move furniture in preparation for her return home from the hospital. But her body had simply had enough.

As far as we know, Mom died free of cancer. She beat it. However, she took steroids to control brain inflammation caused by the brain tumor and its radiation treatment. Administered in high doses over a long time, they were as damaging to her body as cancer would have been. The steroids had to be reduced, renewed inflammation put pressure on unexpected parts of her brain, and the end came quickly.

Mom never regretted moving to Hollywood. Despite her struggle in recent months, I don’t think I ever saw her happier living anywhere else. She loved her new neighborhood: the brilliant bougainvillea spilling over her back fence, the giant avocado tree next door that dropped guacamole hailstones into her yard, the towering palm at the curb, the yellow curry dish from the Thai restaurant around the corner. This was where she needed to be.

The publication of “Mom’s Cancer” will go ahead. Mom always sought purpose in her life and, in recent months, her suffering. She shared in the production of “Mom’s Cancer”: the drafts, proofs, correspondence with my publisher and the public. She wrote the book’s Afterword. Nothing made Mom more proud or happy than hearing from readers who said her story had helped them or that they’d quit smoking because of her. She told me she thought she’d found her purpose after all. I didn’t disagree.

She lived and died well. I will miss making new memories with her.

Catch-Up Thursday

2005-09-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

Brian here. Mom is real tired of being in the hospital. Sick and tired, stir-crazy, and maybe a little buggy. She's scheduled to be discharged to go home in about a week, which is good news and bad. Good because Mom really needs to get home for her peace of mind. Except for the few hours we busted her out for her birthday, she hasn't been in her house in three months.

On the other hand, even at home she'll continue to need some professional care--managing medication, physical therapy, sheer muscle power--that hospitals and rehabilitation facilities provide and Nurse Sis and Kid Sis can't, at least not around the clock. So we've got to figure out how that's going to happen and, 450 miles away, I'm fairly useless. Fortunately money's not a problem, for now, although that kind of care can get pretty expensive pretty quickly.

People do this all the time and we'll work it out. The bottom line is that Mom's physical health continues to steadily improve and she's in the hands of a physician who's very aggressive about getting her off as many medications as possible. That's probably a good thing but it's also tough, after your body's gotten accustomed to a particular chemical mix, to try to change it fast.

Meanwhile, Mom's trying to keep a positive focus. She's very ready to be home and is counting down the days like a kid waiting for Christmas.

I Had a Dream

2005-09-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

Brian here...just got off the phone with Mom, who dictated the following (as well as the title above):

In my dream, I had on an old pair of jeans, having lost 55 steroid pounds. I had small one-inch heels that were red. Nurse Sis and Kid Sis were one store ahead of me looking at, of course, shoes. I quickened my pace to catch up.

I woke up. The radio was playing "If I can see it, I can do it" and "I Believe I Can Fly." And in that dream, I was flying. I believed I can really do this. And tears of gratitude and happiness filled my eyes.

Thursday: Thanks from Mom

2005-09-08T14:51:00.000-07:00

Brian here. Mom wanted me to thank everyone who's thinking of her. She also said:

"I figure I might as well keep thinking positive thoughts because they cost just the same as the negative ones."

Tuesday Afternoon

2005-09-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Mom is back in the hospital again, never really getting a chance to just rest and recover her strength. Understand that it's hard for me to keep everyone who cares about Mom updated while still respecting her privacy, being appropriately optimistic but honest, etc. Her condition now seems better than it was the last time she was admitted, back when some of her underlying problems weren't even recognized. Most acute is a flare-up of the lung infection we thought she'd beaten before. And, of course, Mom still throws the docs a curveball now and then just to make sure they're paying attention. She's once again receiving a high level of care and all her doctors seem to be on top of things. And she's got Nurse Sis making sure everything gets done right.

It's hard to know what else to say about it. This is just one more tough situation in a long line of tough situations. We'll see how it goes.

--Brian

Saturday Night

2005-09-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

Brian here. Well, I wish I could post only good news on Mom's blog, but we don't always get good news. After some weeks of gradual improvement, Mom got a tough break yesterday. A lung infection she fought off weeks ago seems to have come back, fast and strong, and knocked her back a couple of steps. She's on antibiotics, and if they're the right antibiotics they should take effect very quickly. We'd hate to see her have to go back to the hospital but I guess that's a possibility.

This infection doesn't seem that serious in itself. Unlike the earlier infection that lingered undiagnosed for probably weeks, it was recognized and treated immediately. But it's the latest in a long line of problems that have drained Mom's reserves. If only she could get a little break--a few boring weeks in which nothing bad happened--I think she could rally her strength and make good progress. So far we haven't had that kind of luck.

Still cancer-free, though. That's something we're always grateful for.

--Brian

Queen for a Day

2005-08-23T15:42:00.000-07:00

Well, that went well.

Mom's birthday was this past weekend, and my sisters went to great effort to make it one she'll never forget. My two girls and I flew to L.A. to surprise her, as did two other good friends of Mom's. Nurse Sis and I busted Mom out of her rehabilitation center and took her home--the first time she's really been anywhere other than a healthcare facility for a couple of months--to party with her friends and family. Just getting out for a car ride on a beautiful Hollywood day was an enormous treat for her. On top of that, imagine going home for the first time in weeks, even if only for a few precious hours, and having people who loved you waiting when you arrived.

Those of you who've been reading a while may remember Mom's posts last winter about her leaking roof and ceiling: buckets, tarps, and misery. The roof was replaced a while ago; Mom entered her house to find the interior finally as good as new as well. Her home has never looked better. Hero had a new haircut and dandy bow around his neck. In addition, my sisters landscaped the backyard as a surprise--much hard work by Kid Sis. Everything took a lot of coordination and went off like clockwork. The hours passed too quickly before Nurse Sis and I had to take Mom back to the center. She was the happiest I've seen her in...I can hardly remember. Many months if not years.

A nice result of our scheme (which I would have mentioned here before, except there was a small chance Mom might have gotten to a computer and spoiled it) is that Mom told us all that being home reminded her of what she's working for. She's more motivated than ever to build her strength, taper off her medications, and get the heck out of there.

So thanks to my sisters who pulled it together, and thanks to Mom's friends--some of whom flew 500 miles just to be there for the afternoon and flew home again the same day. Mom was overwhelmed with the best kind of surprises and was more grateful than she could describe for all of them.

--Brian

Weekend Message From Mom!

2005-08-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

I (Brian) just got off the phone with Mom, who called specifically to dictate the following message for you:

"Happy Birthday to me! Once in a great while, I feel like I really earned another birthday. This has certainly been one of those years. Wow, 66! And I'm in a rehab hospital, grateful to have enough of me left to rehab.

Sixty years ago, I was in a hospital for my sixth birthday--actually, a tuburculosis sanitarium, to be exact. My year of bedrest had paid off and I was almost ready to go home. But that's another book, and what goes around comes around...even if it's every 50, 60 or 66 years.

Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes!

Love, Mom"

Thursday: Movin' On Up

2005-08-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

Mom's out of the hospital and settled into a nice rehabilitation facility she's been at before. I think she likes being in a place that is both different from the hospital and yet familiar. Her job there will be to develop skills and muscles that haven't been used in a while and regain as much ability as she can to live independently, without needing constant attention from caregivers or my sisters. One nice thing about this center is that Mom can get passes to leave for several hours at a time. In fact, don't tell her, but we're hatching some plans to bust her out very soon.

Mom's mind is clear as glass, her spirit seems strong; all we need to do is get her medications under control and her body in shape, and I think her life could be much better within a few weeks. Still cancer-free.

--Brian

Beginning a New Week

2005-08-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

Brian again. I talked to Mom yesterday and she sounds very good. Sometime in the next few days, we expect her doctors to declare that her acute medical crisis is over and they don't want her taking up valuable hospital space anymore. She'll still need dedicated care and physical therapy, probably at another facility with the staff and skills to help her. Everything is working toward the goal of getting her mobile, self-sufficient, and able to step out into the world again. There's no reason that can't happen.

I'll keep you posted here, and as soon as we can get Mom hooked up to a computer she can tell you about it herself. For now, I think it's safe to say the emergency is over and the hard work continues.

Thanks for all your e-mails and good thoughts, they mean a lot.

Happy Thursday!

2005-08-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

...and it is indeed.

I (Brian) talked to Mom last night and she sounds great. She's being tapered off her many medications and was overjoyed that Hero was smuggled in to visit her again. I asked what she wanted me to write in her blog and, recalling what she said back on August 4 ("I think I've turned a corner, except every time I turn a corner I just run into a new road with more potholes in it"), she said:

"It looks like there've been workers filling in the potholes, because I don't see any down this street."

We're all hoping for smooth road for a long while. She deserves it.

Tuesday Afternoon

2005-08-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

Not much new to report, but I didn't want to leave you hanging. We are apparently nearing the "boring" phase of Mom's Recovery (or should that be "Mom's Post-Recovery Recovery") now. No cancer anywhere, antibiotics working, mysterious symptoms slowly fading.

My sisters have managed to sneak Mom's pup Hero into her hospital room a couple of times, which lifts Mom's spirits considerably. She really loves that dog and, so far, he's lived up to his name.

Out of the woods, with the forecast calling for incremental progress.

--Brian

Sunday: Getting Better All The Time

2005-08-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

Nurse Sis agrees with Mom's previous opinion that she's turned a corner. The medications seem to be doing their job, the staff is starting to look ahead to toning Mom up with some physical therapy, and she's got a sparkle back in her eye. Mom is still very fragile but definitely on the upswing.

Cookie, Raymond, Lynne and Lorna, thanks for your comments on earlier posts. I'll make sure Mom gets them all. Raymond, my editor and I have talked about listing "Mom's Cancer" with Diamond Distributors and in Previews; it'll happen, but we don't yet know when. The best place to keep up with the book is www.momscancer.com, where I've started a "What's New" page about the road to publication. What's great is that Mom is involved and behind me all the way (I showed her my first printer's proofs during my recent visit). If she weren't, I wouldn't be doing it.

Thanks to all. Brian

Friday Morning

2005-08-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

Brian here. Not much new to report but I just talked to Nurse Sis and everything seems pretty stable. Mom had a good night and is getting some tests done today, the results of which will help the doctors fine-tune her treatment. We don't expect any dramatic developments, either good or bad, anytime soon.

Two steps forward and one back: Gradual Progress.

Thursday Noon

2005-08-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

Brian again. I spoke to Mom about an hour ago and she sounded pretty good. The docs seem to be getting a handle on her electrolyte chemistry, etc. Nurse Sis is doing heroic work looking out for her well-being. I asked Mom what she wanted to publish in her blog and she said this:

"I'm starting to feel like my old self again. You could say that I think I've turned a corner, except every time I turn a corner I just run into a new road with more potholes in it."

That sounds like Mom.

Tuesday's Latest

2005-08-02T16:15:00.000-07:00

Another note from Brian:

I've returned home from Southern California but Nurse Sis and I are keeping in touch several times a day. Mom's having a tough time in the hospital and is becoming something of a medical mystery. Tests aren't turning up much, but we are getting what I interpret as basically good news: Mom's heart, lungs, kidneys, brain and bones are essentially sound. No signs of cancer. In engineering terms, her infrastructure is in pretty good shape. So why isn't she turning handsprings down the hall?

Mom made it very clear to me that she wants her privacy and, most important, her dignity. With that in mind, with all gratitude and appreciation for anyone reading this and thinking of her, I'm not going to post every detail of her travails. She's exhausted and her body chemistry is out of whack, partly due to the medications she's been taking. She's pretty sick and anything could happen... but her doctors seem to see a clear path to resolving her problems and, I hope, turning things around for her quickly.

Realistic optimism.

Memo from Mom

2005-07-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

Dictated by Mom to Brian:

I'm fine. How are you? Wish you were here and I were not.

I feel for the first time in months that we're getting to the bottom of my problems and healing them. I'm really being taken care of. It is so great to have all three kids here for this.

Hero can't sneak in to visit me here, but I'm waiting for the day. Meantime, I hear he's King of the Palace.

Thank you to everyone for your heart-felt support. I'll be back blogging as soon as I can. Much love to you all!

Mom

Dispatch from the Front

2005-07-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

This is Brian (Mom's son, the "Mom's Cancer" guy) stepping in at Mom's request. She'd love to be corresponding with everyone and letting you know how she's doing. Unfortunately, the hospital she's in now has pathetic wireless Web capability, so she's offline for a while. So she asked me to step in and I'll try to post a "Memo from Mom" as often as I can.

I spent yesterday and this morning with Mom, and she's doing pretty well and continuing to improve in remarkable ways. Understandably, she doesn't want all her intimate healthcare information broadcast worldwide, but after being neglected in a few other facilities (despite Nurse Sis's best efforts--very frustrating for her to know what Mom needed and not getting anyone to listen to her or act on it), she's now receiving the most intense, solicitous and professional medical care I can imagine, all aimed at solving her problems and getting her back into the world. In just the past couple of days they've stabilized much and found previously undiscovered problems that they're proceeding to fix. It's quite a turnaround and Mom's spirits are considerably lifted. And, as far as anyone can tell, she remains cancer-free.

More later. Thanks to everyone for your good wishes, energy and prayers, Mom says she feels them all.

2005-07-18T15:38:00.000-07:00

My son - so proud!

2005-07-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

The first Digital Comic Eisner

From Mom

2005-07-04T21:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends old & new, known and not yet introduced:

Thank you. I feel all of your lifting up and energy coming my way. It's working!

It has been really rough but today (4th of July) it is 4 am and I awake feeling much better (I'm not wanting to go back to sleep!).

Today I get moved to a rehab facility. Counting on it to be tough. I want to literally WALK out of there. They will have 3 hours a day of training - I HOPE it is like Boot Camp. Please help me hold that thought.

I feel honored to be called "Mom." Please feel free to ask "Kid Sis" about me - she'll tell you!

Hi From Mom

2005-07-01T19:48:00.000-07:00

This is Kid Sis posting for Mom.

She's still in the hospital, but is doing great work educating all the nurses and doctors about miracles! She's made many friends there, and has a big 8 x 10 of Hero to show off to all her visitors.

Keep those candles lit for her!

Much love and thanks.

Hi From Mom

2005-06-24T12:52:00.000-07:00

This is Kis Sis typing. Mom says:

Sorry I'm not able to keep up with the blog right now. Miss you all, and I'll get back to it as soon as I feel better.

Big Thoughts - Little Steps

2005-06-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

Boy, do I have it all thought out - in bed - in the early morning. The last few days have been extra special. I do a little stretching, neck cracking, shingles and brain - shrinking medicines and find - NO PAIN for the first time in two years. Radiation, especially on my neck and shoulders, has caused me continuous grief ( like that bad tooth ache you try to forget about). And then there was the usual grocery list of regular complaints which I tried to keep to myself. Admittedly, I have no feeling in my right foot , so guess that doesn't count!!

But, my gosh, it is so sweet to stretch out in bed and just breathe. THEN - I get the day all planned - I'll clean out my closet, finish my book, pay bills, cook a nice dinner, call ten friends, knit six scarves .....

Those waking moments and checking in to see what is "right" with my body are giving me the courage to go on with the rest of my day - which is much less pain-free - for NOW!

By the way, Funnigirl, thanks for helping out Annonymous with the Sites ( and I'd take that cup of coffee just any old day). Also, Ronnie, thank you sooo much for your continual support. If I could ever stop Kid Sis long enough I might be able to learn how to respond to all of you under comments. It seems my Site (or the operator) is reluctant to Post. I know you are there and it means a lot.

Okay, time for exercise. Out of the wheelchair, into the walker - ready for those little steps.

Don't Stand Up

2005-06-01T23:03:00.000-07:00

My old motto used to be - don't stand if you can sit down - don't sit down if you and lay (lie?) down. (I feel a teacher flip over in her grave).

My latest Physical Therapist, Alex, certainly has turned that idea on its head. Up, up, and away. Use bed only for afternoon naps and night. Get into that wheelchair, over to that rocker, now go, go - use that walker. He is only here 45 min. or so. The effects of his visits are timeless. I know this is up to my body, the swelling in my brain and, yes, my attitude. He tells me it is normal to have good days and bad.

Today was a good day!!

Next...

2005-05-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

Sure glad I didn't know what was coming my way a year ago - or worse two years ago. I probably would have just said, "Thanks, but no thanks." This is getting worse than a shaggy dog story that goes on and on. My saving grace may well be that I keep looking for the silver lining and sometimes even seeing evidence that it is there. Yes, thank you Lynne - you have been a huge part of this process. And I did hear Bernie in person years ago - I remember him well. You only have to meet a "Bernie" once!

My Internest tells me that the "latest" saga from the test results is that I have "drug-indused" Diabetes and something..something..about Thyroid off (I'll tackle that later this week). One new drug at a time, please. So, high sugar can cause fatique, weekness, lots of things I've been whinning about. I really am glad to hear that once again help is on the way. It's just pitty-pot time again, I guess.

Wish I could get over one thing before the next one hits. It would be great to be up and out of the wheelchair, standing on my own. How does that go? It isn't the thousand mile walk - it's the grain of sand in my shoe.

Remember Nod?

2005-05-24T23:53:00.000-07:00

Way back in Feb. I had great plans to fly over to Phoenix to meet up with my brother and his wife. We were going to have a week or so playing tourists. Due to our various health conditions I gave us all nasty little nick-names. My wonderful sister-in-law I named Gimpy because she has two bum knees. My brother was Nod, only because he occasionally needs oxygen, and me Limpy because I'd just lost the use of my right leg. I ended up staying home.

Okay, you know I can't tell the short version of any story - so, my brother hates So.Calif. with a passion you wouldn't believe. When Gimpy called and said they were considering a visit I really worried that one of us might be a lot sicker than I thought. And, of course, since I've been the designated patient of late, I checked with Nurse Sis to make sure I was okay.

Last Wed. night they arrived - amid more fussing and fuming about weather - air quality - crazy drivers - people - smog - etc. etc. etc.

Oh joy!!! we shouted. But in less than an hour Nod had it out of his system and we all had a wonderful time. We laughed, put puzzles together, went gambling!!! ate too much. They lifted my spirits - thought I was doing great and instilled a new hope for my future. They want me to visit them in Nev. in Oct. - with walker only - no wheelchair. They'll keep their fingers crossed - and I have a new goal.

First Time

2005-05-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

First time I've been to my computer since the last time I Blogged!

First time I've allowed myself to do absolutely nothing - no trying - no holding my breathe and pushing forward..

First time I feel some energy perking it's Easter chick head out of the shell...

First time - in a very long time - I've remembered Bernie Siegel, M.D. and the concept of integrative healing in mind, body and spirit.

First time I've made myself count all that is RIGHT with my body when I first wake up.

First time I've felt like I'm on the right path. I am not going to wait for my next MRI or PET/Scan..I'm tired of running scared..

Love and Light, Mom

Catching Up

2005-05-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

Boy, now that's what I'd call sleep. I've been awake the last four days long enough to eat, hit the bathroom and turn over. What I haven't been talking about are all the nights I could only sleep an hour or two - and then be awake for hours, restless, hyped up, mind racing, driving myself crazy with stupid thought of cleaning out my closet, hanging drapes, writing scores of music. Some nights I'd see entire symphonies going across pages - too bad I had no ability - in my semi-dream state - or in reality to write any of this down.

I know that my immune system needs a minimum of hours to repair itself - and I know I've been way under that goal. Perhaps this is the beginning of a new kind of healing. Being in bed this long is worrysome. We don't want me to lose any more muscle mass, but on the other hand the swelling is going down in my right foot.

You know I'm trying for balance and making this up as I go along. I will call the internist tomorrow and check in. In the meantime - feels like a nap coming my way. Night-night.

Shhh...sleeping

2005-05-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Mom is catching up on her sleep right now.

We saw a fabulous internist who gave her a new prescription, and now she's able to sleep a full night without waking up for the first time in a year. But she's thinking about you all and wanted you to know.

XO, kid sis

In Good Hands

2005-04-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

Once again I feel blessed. Today I had an appointment with an Internist at whatever I call that place - "impressive medical center" or whatever. He is a heads-up, young, really sharp man, who had me figured out in about three min. Don't you kinda hate it when they're SO fast - I mean - like - gee - guys - where's the mystery I used to exude?? But, then - thanks - I've had enough Mystery the last two years to last the rest of this life time. I want simple from here on in!

He Listened - can you imagine - He asked me what might make my life better - He wants to bring in some quality - some Light - less burden. He ordered some tests which may make a difference. Okay - okay - Moms ready to adopt yet again. But, would you blame me?

Just Lazy

2005-04-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

It feels like someone just drained all my stuffing out. I'm pooped - or is it just lazy? Too many tests, too many meds and definitely too many carbs make for wanting to sleep any time, any place. Yesterday, I fell asleeep with my knitting needles pointing straight up - glad Kid Sis walked by before I stabbed myself..

It will be good to be home. My old home had been great to visit but a lot of work with wheel chair, walker, commode, etc. Everthing is so heavy lucky for me I have great, strong friends who do Curves or Yoga and other things to keep fit.

As Kid Sis reported, I had great results from the MRI and MRS the best/Icould have imagined, in fact. The swelling looked much smaller than 6 weeks ago. But they still can't ans. -they just don't know -- or have any history - or I'm on the far outside of the Bell Curve - guess better on the outside than the alternative. More when I get home.

Are WE There Yet?

2005-04-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

You know you've gone too many times, too close together when you pull out of a restaurant and can't remember if you're going North or South - as in North to Alaska or South towards Mexico! Not, just which way to my house from here.

Today, believe it or not we must leave again for big impressive hospital up North. They want my head back. For two cents I'd ....no, no - they want it attached! Do you guys have any idea of how much FUN we could all have if we could divert all this time, energy and cash into, oh I don't know - maybe a day or two playing the slot machines - or pigging out on cruise food - or - whatever. I'm going to be a good girl - spend my money on MRI and MRS and any other test that sounds fun and informative.

Seriously, if they don't get a handle on this soon, I could be rejected as a Blimp float in the Macy's Day Parade - too large. The steroids rule - not good - and they are really not helping my brain - foot coordination thing - as seen from this angle. Hopefully the tests will prove me wrong.

This is the best I've felt getting ready for an 8hr. car trip. I'm planning to see some more friends this time when I hit my old "home". Last time I was so scared of the growing numbness and paralyses I wasn't much up for much.

You people are terrific - my heart warms with all the generous acts of kindness you extent to me and my family. I'm not good at personal comments yet - but will ask Kid Sis to do some work on that with me. In the meantime please know I am truly grateful.

Til I can steal/beg/borrow a computer and get back to you - I wish you all well -
Love and Light,
Mom

Wheelchair 101

2005-04-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

About six weeks ago I got a wheelchair. It has been sitting in the dining room mostly unoccupied. I figured it was for sticking into the car when I needed to go to medical offices, out to dinner or long, slow trips on sandy beaches (nah, not really). With someone else doing the pushing.

WRONG! Michael, my P.T. guy now tells me that every step I take with the walker counts. It must be well executed. No more dragging, Frankenstein style. Heel down - roll toe up lift. Did you ever think there was SO much that goes into one single step. (Hey, man on the Moon).

Well, jump to mid-story. I can get many 30 feet and am exhausted. This puts me close to wheelchair, saddled up in dining room. I switch walker for wheelchair but just sit there. OOOHHH - I have to do something. Geez - big wheels just sit there - waiting patiently for me to try and figure out angles and turns and trying hard not to run over Hero. Who, by the way, seems to have quite a sense of when to RUN for a corner.

Today, Chris, an Occupational Therapist, helped me christen the kitchen. It was pathetic. I bumped, I crashed, I got wedged, I really got stuck, I felt very, very sorry for myself - all just trying to get a frozen eggie thing out of the freezer and and into the microwave. I know I'll get better, faster, more agile, i Know - I know....somethings you just wish you didn't have to know. Then, I think about what Son said about how complex our brains are - about how this swelling could be affecting my speech, my memory, my eyesight - I am fortunate. I know...
Love and Light,
Mom

So, About the Eisner?

2005-04-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

There was a time I tried to be a "hip" Mom. That was shortly after the period in the 60ies when I was a "hippie" Mom. Lately, although I finally developed a full set of real hips, I find myself lugging further and further behind.

The comic books have been part of our lives since Son could lean over the shopping cart and make that cute little fisted give-me, give-me. He didn't want candy or sweets, he wanted to read! So, I let him. He saved every one - good as new - right up until it was time for us to move to California. Then, I made him "weed them out" there was no way they would fit in our little U-Haul along with important things like washer, dryer, couch. (There went his retirement fund.)

Then along came Kid Sis. Her enthusiasm became even more pronounced when Big Bro left for college and told her that she may continue to read his books - but he better never find a mark on any of them. She would sit beside the drawers filled with comics, quietly reading for hours.

Zoom ahead twenty five years and imagine sitting across the table from these two . They leave me staring blankly back and forth as they recall this issue and that Super hero and compare and contrast and throw in a movie and how the Super Four..

Now, about the Eisner Awards. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not excited. There is just a lot which seems to be escaping my basic understanding. Okay, new catagory..who votes? Owners of Comic Book stores? Fans of Web sites? Me..? Where can a Mom cast her ballot? I'm not trying to be too nieve here, I have friends asking...some of them a lot more "with it" than me. I'm so obviously not in this industry I'd never have a Professional vote - but, hey, I did get my likeness onto quite a few pages. I figure that gives me the right to ask a question or two.

No More Tarps, Buckets

2005-04-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

Eight months and holding - that's how long it took to get roofers doing what roofers do best - ROOF our roof. Now that every dog within miles is awake I guess that's enough shaggy story, right? But, of course, being the drama queens that all of us are, it wasn't a simple job.

It started out well last Sat. If you can say having approximately 18-20 guys jump onto your roof and start ripping up shingles okay. They were loud, they were all over the place and they were not speaking the one language I'm somewhat familiar with. Kid Sis and I stayed inside as the wood, nails, black paper, etc. came flying off.

THEN, it was still - nothing - the eye of the storm. I looked out just as they (20 strong) attack the Guest House where Nurse Sis and her Lab were doing some computer work. They both ended up under the covers, expecting someone to be falling thru at any moment.

That was that. As quickly as they had descended, they were gone - big white truck filled to the brim with day workers and shingles. It was surreal.

Of course, Sat. night and all day Sun. we prayed it would not rain - as every increasingly heavy clouds hovered around us. We did get out the tarps, placed the buckets in rows starting in the corner of the front room and working forward, as usual. Some big contributors toward filling up the buckets have been our ceiling speaker and our ceiling fan, along with about 10 holes a nice fireman poked into the drywall one rainy night to keep the ceiling from falling down on us.

Oh, it's really been the Beverly Hillybillies around here. But, that is now over.... Monday morning we got two white trucks - filled to the brim with - oh, you know.

Now, the surprise. All but two guys left. Every day now for a week these two guys show up at 10:00 or 11:00, start a noisy compressor and start drilling holes in the tops of our heads - no, no, that's just what it feels like until 6 or 6:30 every night.

Maybe we needed the slow, painful version of the roofing process to kept reminding ourselves we are now over the hump. We have a tight, secure house to relax in, stay dry in, take a deep breathe in - we are home.

Happy Birthday, Son

2005-04-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

More years ago than perhaps either one of us wants to admit to, you decided to make a quiet entrance into this world. You brought along a new foreign name for me - Mom - which seems to have stuck! It's kinda cool to hide behind since everyone has one and no one (okay a few) knows it's me. Just yell out "Mom" in a crowd and watch the women's heads spin around as if on sticks.

Yesterday my little Blog site made a not-so-quiet entrance into your world. geez...it was bad enough being a barely 20 year old Mom not knowing where to put the powder, or how much - now, at my ripe old age, I have to worry about comas, and run on sentences, and my public, and YOUR public, and how I can't spell for beans, and how - now - for the first time, everyone will know my dirty little secret about being a life-time smoker who couldn't quite quit in time.

Yeah, I can still run a pretty damn tight guilt trip , eh? Nice to see I haven't lost my edge!!!!

But, between us, we have already acconplished one of my sincerest goals. When I decided it was okay for me to cop to being a smoker - I did it for one reason ONLY - and yesterday that reason became a reality - in comments "Dee" wrote:"I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE REASON I QUIT SMOKING ON MARCH 1, 2005."

Awards are great, wonderful acknowedgements of jobs well done - I hope you get tons of them - just remember that between us we saved one woman the torcher I went through.

I can't think of a more wonderful Birthday Gift.
I love you, MOM

Get To Be 99

2005-04-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the Hallmark(?) greeting care that asks - "How do you live to be 100 years old? " Ans. "You get to be 99 - and then be very, very careful."
I've just decided that same formula is how you get to survive a 5% chance of living past the five years mark for Stage IV Lung Cancer!!
I saw my research Oncologist at big, impressive SO. CA. Medical Center on Monday. I'd had a PET CT the previous week. Always a bit scary - especially when they bring in the cylinder with the Radioactive injection inside - dry ice spewing forth like a bad X-Files moment. So, Nurse Sis and I got the results on Monday. From the neck down (the part SO. CA. is responsible for) I am 100 % Cancer free. The pockets of liquid on my lungs have dried up to the point she can hear air going through - YES - no further draining required, thank you. Some rather nasty lymphs along my collarbone decided enough was enough and dried up or shrunk away.

It just doesn't get any better than this. This is on the way to the five year mark!! Two years and holding. I was told that the brain tumor was not what would kill me, maim me pretty good, yes, but the Lung cancer was what I should fear.
I'm feeling a BIT more generous to the Medical community when it was explained to me - both up North and here, that this is all new to them, too. My local Dr. has just this LAST Month had her first 5 year success story(of Stage IV Lung with Mets someplace else) - with another one coming in a month or so. We are inventing the Wheel - together.

Toe Hold

2005-04-06T23:53:00.000-07:00

Still looking for a good strong toe hold here. The Physical Therapist and I have been working three days a week, trying to build up my muscles, and re- link my right foot to my fuzzy brain. At the most I could move my foot back and forth maybe 1/2", but it was progress. Two days ago I was told to reduce the Dexamethasone by 2 mg. I did - and my body went on strike.

We are still fighting. Wish I could be witty and hopeful, but after two years of singing "Tomorrow" I'm plum tuckered out. Today was okay. For now that will have to do. I'll try to keep you posted, if not, Kid Sis has done a nice job of keeping up with the family news. Check her out. Love and Light - Mom

HOUSTON - HOUSTON - WE HAVE CONTACT!!!!!!!

2005-03-21T19:26:00.000-08:00

THE BRAIN AND THE ANKLE SAID 'HELLO' TO EACH OTHER................

My Physical Therapist, Michael, got real excited today when I told him it "felt" like my ankle was unstable - kinda wobbly - and unsafe. Immediately he started rotating it in all directions. Then he said "push!!!" - nothing - again - again (not unlike child-birth in effort ) - then I "pushed with my good left foot and the right foot said, "oh, I can do that," and it did.

Just a hair's worth, mind you but it bidged - it budged - it moved......

Then, we worked on "Pull", as in pull the foot back. I couldn't see it move - but Michael did.

It is marvelous - it means that below the swelling, below the numbness, below the lack of muscle control - THINGS ARE STILL ALIVE -. Nurse Sis talked to me about nerves, blocked arteries, muscles, etc. etc. etc. - helping me to understand that great things can happen - but it will take time, lots of work, physical therapy - Not quite the HEAL - WALK - RUN............but.............it can happen over time.

I feel rather like the Phoenix in one of the Harry Potter movies (can't remember which one) were he come back to life from a pile of ashes at the bottom of his cage. He looks all straggley, befuddled, half his hair missing - all in all a poor sight.

I mentioned this to someone I was with and said, "I wonder how many times I can come back from the bottom of my cage." From across the room came, "Oh, probably until we shoot ya!!"

I'm the Well One

2005-03-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

Man, my staff is dropping like flies. Kid Sis has been sick since we got back home last week. Like go to doctor, you're green all over (and NOT because of St. Patty's Day). The last two days, Nurse Sis seems to be turning the same shade. It's not pretty.

Now, if you can take the joke part of this (I'm working on laughing) - we put a phone call into local University system, telling them to get an update on my latest medical trials and tribulations up North - this should be the easiest way for two giants to communicate with each other - and keep up with my progress.

Okay, so two days later we get a call from my Nurse Manager - I now have an appointment the last day of March - with HOSPICE............ AND AS I STATED IN THE BEGINNING - I'M THE WELL ONE!!!!! Really guys............. and feeling not ready to leave yet.

One mis - step around here and Ding - you're cooked!!! Thank God I have Back-Watchers.
Guess I better start watching the rest of me real close, too - and to make sure my naps don't last too long.

Moving On

2005-03-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

I'm finally just sitting on the "Pity Pot" when necessary - it is no longer my number one residence. I think the fear of not knowing when/where/how the numbness would stop and the body function lose would end was just overwhelming me. The meds seem to be holding the losses in check, so now all I have to do is learn to cope with, once again, a body foreign to me.

I also have stopped falling out of my walker and off my commode, which was getting very embarrassing as well as painful!! Obviously the balance issue is getting better - I'm not a complete klutz, honest.....

Eva, I need one of my kids to teach me how the do "Comments". I tried to thank you for the great cleaning idea - hit the wrong button - it showed up twice on my machine, but not where it counted...............s0, to you and others I don't answer - I appreciate the help and great ideas. (okay, maybe I should check into klutz a little further!)

Son is working on ramp spec, ideas and planning to come down to install. Can you beat that? I really don't miss getting out of the house yet and suppose I could figure out something if Cabin Fever hits. Til then, I'm meeting with the Physical Therapist, am trying to put income tax stuff together, knit scarves and visualize a marvelous, fully function body.

The girls are still setting up appointments for aides, Occ. Therapist, some kind of transportation to doctors appointments, getting the front yard cleared of grass and shrubs so the ramp can fit - and on - and on.

My, I'm a lot of work.

Stuff and Things

2005-03-13T20:43:00.000-08:00

That's it - our life is surrounded by stuff and things. We had a list made by the time we hit the half way marker for home:

1. Get cleaning staff on board, asap - that would be so we don't get taken away by dog hairs. Nurse Sis' Lab creates enough extra hair for another puppy every other day, Hero doesn't do too bad himself and then there is Pissy with her white and grey tufts dangling everywhere. Plus, we never had a chance to put away Christmas dishes and "stuff" because our bins had become water catchers (and still are).

A friend had made a wonderful list of possible agencies, we called and so, if all goes well, tomorrow our home will begin to shine again. One down.

2. Get Mom fixed up with "things". A wheelchair; an outside ramp, so I won't be house-bound;
a Physical therapist; some safety hand rails; an Occupational Therapist (teach me to type????);
a driver, so Sis' don't have to miss work to get me to Drs. appts.; a shopper, so I don't starve!!!! An aid to help me do whatever it is ; And not a cabana boy in sight, damn this just sucks.

3. Now, get all of the orders from NoCal to the right agency, making sure said agency is Medicare "approved". This, mind you does NOT mean they will pay for a thing (submit bill and see!!!!!!!! This means now we can submit bills, after the fact, to Blue Cross Plan "J".

4. Don't understand? Geez, you got a screwed up brain, or what?

5. I cannot express to you what it means to have my kids making these calls, checking on ramp requirements, trying real hard to keep me at home. It is overwhelming. And to think - "all we have to do is work really hard to get well.... "

Command Center

2005-03-08T15:00:00.000-08:00

Hi All, We sit, we visit, we eat - a lot - look out belly here come the steroids. Last time I was on them I gained 40 lbs. This time I'll try to keep to low-carb goodies.

NEWS Flash!!!!!Nurse Sis just got THE call--honest--we just now hung up..........They did a PET SCAN yesterday at major hospital. Told us we would know more in 24-36 Hours - go to temp. home and wait. If the picture lights up like a Christmas tree, it was new tumor growth which they would immediately Cyber-knife.

IT DID NOT GLOW!!!!!! Okay, that is a big one out of our way. What is still causing the symptoms in leg, etc. is more of an unknown. They want to keep close track of everything with follow-ups in six weeks. So, I do not have brain cancer. This according to the Drs. is the best possible results.

No more has gone numb,so if the meds can hold their own, I've got a toehold here. Tomorrow I see my great friend, Tony, who is wonderful at helping me visualize. Together I'm sure we can come up with a Command Center of operations to start shrinking that swelling.

Tomorrow we drive south - to Hero and Kid Sis. Thank you all for the holding up--as I said to one friend--I must be getting heavy--she said "no" spirits don't weigh that much.

Love and Light

Mom

Still Here, Still Waiting

2005-03-05T17:51:00.001-08:00

Just a quick note from my son's house to let you know that we don't know anything. Yet.

We had several tests on Thursday, a consult on Friday, and are still waiting on the details on one of the tests. What we do know is there's a lot of swelling on the brain from an unknown cause. But we can't see what's in the middle of it. For now, the main thing is to reduce the swelling through meds. That will help my leg move better, no matter what. We don't know if it's bad news or not-so-bad news, but we're going back Monday for another consultation.

I'm very scared, and very appreciative of all your thoughts, prayers and good wishes. You'll know when we know.

We Attack at Dawn

2005-03-01T22:53:00.000-08:00

Thursday - that is. Tomorrow we do those thousand and one things left until the last minute: Pay bills due while I'm gone; pray; decide what clothes go under a knee brace and over a foot/calf brace; pray; kiss Hero good-bye for the thousandth time; did I say pray yet?; breathe, I keep forgetting to breathe!

Thursday dawn will find Nurse Sis and me racing up the #5 for about 550 miles - humm- that sounds rather profound! Racing for the dreaded/blessed MRI which will begin to tell the story of my increasingly numb body. It is the first of what may be a lot of other tests , or it may be the one which tells the whole story - another brain tumor. One wonders what to pray for. They tell me I could have one more cyber-knife surgery in my life and possibly one more full brain radiation - that's it.

If this is "just"fall-out (calcification) from past treatments and the meds don't help, I could be in deep ca-ca, with more and more of my left side shutting down. I'm praying for those steroids to kick in. In fact, the Dr. put me on them about 16 hours ago but I still haven't felt like painting a ceiling or cleaning out all the food in the refrig - two of my usual responses.

One of my granddaughters is also under going some tests, blood work, MRI,etc. so please, please send her good thoughts and prayers. All of your support has been so generous and kind - our entire family is grateful. You are indeed our "quiet angels"...

Love and Light, Mom

If A Tree Falls...

2005-02-26T15:47:00.000-08:00

How does that old question go, again? If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it still make noise? or something...something. I can't remember.

If all the feeling goes out of my toes, most of my foot and leg - and I don't acknowledge it - does it still happen?

I am so scared, I can barely stand to write the word "paralyzed". But, that is surely what has happened on my lower right side. I want nothing more than to be able to squeeze my toes together and /or flex my foot. I try and absolutely nothing happens. I sat up in bed last night, rocking my cold, numb leg like it was a sick child.

I'm getting really bone tired, and I just don't know how many more windmills I can fight. Nurse Sis has been e-mailing my Neurosurgeon up in the Bay Area. He has a couple of thoughts as to what might be going on. It could be a radiation reaction, or it could be another brain tumor. It might be able to be treated with steroids..........or???????? In the meantime my writing is getting worse and my typing slower with more mistakes than you could imagine.

I had a mid-March three month follow-up appointment to see him. That is now going to happen next Friday after getting an MRI on Thurs. On the following Monday I can see the Radiation expert (I forget her title) if necessary. Right now all that sounds like months - not days - away.

I will keep you posted, or ask Kid Sis to do it for me.

The Muse, Con't.

2005-02-22T18:47:00.000-08:00

More about Calliope - Kid Sis read your note under Comments, T.T., from Grand Rapids. Thank you for taking the time to write. Sorry to say "Mom" got about half the story straight - leaving Calliope (aka - Pissy) with some bad press.

Recently Kid Sis did have her seen by several vets. The first one was for a possible new out break of nose cancer. She had had successful surgery on that a couple of years ago. This time it turned out to be more of a case of sticking her nose into someone else's business - or dog dish - or... it was just a little nasty looking scab.

Her next stop was at a Feline Renal Spec.(!!!!) - I never knew these existed, but L.A. folks do love their animals (probably a lot of other places, too - Mom just hasn't been paying attention). So, Pissy does have special food and could be having some kind of daily IV treatment but Kid Sis and Nurse Sis decided to just try and keep her as comfortable as possible. I think I had a brain-fart around this whole episode. So, until I was the one trying to get across my bathroom, etc. I didn't keep very close track of that part of our animal Kingdom.

Now, T.T., comes our part - - Pissy DOES care - she just can't seem to hit the broadside of a barn according to her Mom. She does go into the liter box, squats down as best she can - which is only a little - and stands back up - wondering where it all went!!! That's where I enter and FIND it. Last night she was back in the bedroom with Kid Sis, complete with re-circulating water, fresh food - both dry and wet, fresh liter and a warm, cozy bed.

Between 5:00 and 8:00 a.m. the noise got so loud Nurse Sis threw open the door to see what was going on. There was Pissy SITTING ON TOP OF KID SIS' HEAD, meowing away. K.S. was asleep with ear plugs in. She said on the program Super Nanny the parents are taught to ignore bad behavior...Think someone will soon be spending time in the Naughty Corner. Any guesses who????

Nurse Sis on Move

2005-02-19T12:59:00.000-08:00

Kid Sis' almost 19 year old cat, Calliope - the Muse of Music - has turned into Pissy - the cat who goes crying throughout the house all night making a loud guttural sound. We've tried a heating pad on her little bed, lights on all over so she can see, warm milk, treats....

The only thing she seems to like is sleeping with G.Ma and Hero. But she comes with dishes, bed, water and worse of all a liter box she refuses to hit! We've tried big ones, covered ones, long ones but she still prefers the outside on the floor, thank you very much. Her next favorite is Hero's Puppy Go Potty liter which will not absorb cat pee. It just makes it stink to high heaven and makes him refuse to go in it. So, he pees on a rug, or on the rain tarps or where ever. Are you getting the zoo feeling to all this yet?? There's more....

Now along comes Mom in the middle of the night when everything is nice and quiet, using her walker - wheel, wheel-clump ; wheel, wheel-clump...auuurgh (hits ice cold pee) wheel, whe.... oh you get the picture. This can happen one, two, even three times in an eight to nine hour stretch.

"And how does this effect Nurse Sis,?" one might ask. She is one thin wall away from this madness. She has to get up in the morning, refreshed, ready to roll out and get on with her busy day. We've suggested ear plugs and/or a bit of Ambien.

Her answer is to try the Guest House, a compact, converted garage - cold in this weather - but quiet. So far her Lab just paces back and forth wanting to come into the main house, back into the craziness we call "bed time".

PLEASE, PLEASE...if any of you have solutions to our problems (other than putting Pissy or Mom down) please let me hear them. See, I know you guys know these things - the old been there, done that - Just like I saw someone wearing their leg brace OUTSIDE of their pants. Geez! and here I am trying to pull something over the top of this sticky,velcro brace. I'm getting way to old to discover all this great stuff by myself, so any and all help is gratefully accepted.

In the meantime, I don't blame Nurse Sis for heading to the back 40 to get some much needed rest - I just wish it wasn't necessary.

Walkers Are Cool!

2005-02-17T20:11:00.000-08:00

We actually got in to see an Orthopedic M.D. yesterday. I don't know if he's a surgeon or not - what I do know is that his card says "Team Physician, Sports Medicine". ME? and what would the name of my team be?

I waited next to a six foot ++++ guy who'd jumped up to make a basket and came down wrong. Yeah, yeah -I know what you mean! and my injury? Oh, I - uh - kinda - uh tripped -he-he, going down the stairs and twisted my knee cap half off. Couldn't even admit to skipping (is that still a sport?).

The doc twisted, pulled, flexed, de-flexed and decided an MRI might be called for. Make an appt. for it and then come back in - probably in three weeks, or so. The doc left to write an RX and my basketball buddy walked by - on his way to get an MRI -with Surgery scheduled for this Fri. That dude is going to be back on the courts while I'm still hobbling around.

Nurse Sis insisted that with two canes I looked like an accident waiting to happen. He offered crutches - or a Dreaded Walker!!!! There are a couple of medical supplies that I associate with old, really sick people..My One Way Streets of no return, if you will. The first was oxygen - I fought against getting that until the day I could barely breathe. It wasn't half bad after I got used to "Hal" sucking in air and sounding like he was coming after me. I didn't need him more than a month or two.

Now the Walker...Nurse Sis called around until she found one fairly close to home. She went and got it and I went to take a nap. When I woke up it was sitting there like a bike on Christmas morning, so I reluctantly decided to take it for a spin. Man, let me tell you that thing is a go-er. Two wheels, two rubber tips and some chrome - what's not to love? Guess I'm still dragging my right leg behind, Frankenstein style, but Nurse Sis is working on that with me.

It is hard to know when to give in to the pain and when to bite my lower lip and "suck it up". Some days I'm definitely not as graceful about it all as I'd like to be. I lashed out at Kid Sis the other night over some stupid cat liter - I can be known to sit and feel very sorry for myself - all the time knowing there are a ton of people with much worse problems.

This trying to get healthy and feeling better is hard work - but, for just now at least, I will accept my new walking companion - may we have a brief, intense time together before I make it obsolete.

.

Limpy Didn't Make It

2005-02-16T22:19:00.000-08:00

Limpy (me) got grounded. I had to stay home from my first fun trip in almost three years.

Yes, THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE, PLEASE SEND CHOCOLATE. NO, NO NO....

That would just be more weight to take off and, in the meantime, more to lug around. Okay, try to keep up here - I'm going to go pretty fast!!!!!

I was to fly out Mon. a.m. but couldn't take my Walking Stick (too much like a weapon!). So Sun. evening off we went to the drug store and bought a cane. I still had to hang onto shelves - empty or full - to keep my balance.
Kid Sis went back and got another snazzy red cane. Now, I really looked like I had a drinking problem. My knee would not support any weight - it was a nondiscriminating knee cap - it would buckle forward, backward or to either side. I'd yell out an "auuugh" - just as the pain hit. I sadly called Nod. He'd been expecting my call. Seems that one by one Gimpy's knees had done the same thing!

We all decided that a visit to the Emergency Dept. the next morning was more prudent than a trip to the airport. Besides, Phoenix was rainy, wet and dreary. They said I wasn't missing much there, so I may as well go take care of myself.

MAJOR UNIVERSITY EMERGENCY DEPT. arrival time 9:45 a.m. Departing time 4:00 p.m. We had a three hour wait to even get back into the Dept. There were screaming babies, drug addicts begging to be seen, sick people to the left and the right. Nurse Sis and I thought this was the fast track through the system - like One Stop Shopping. We'd get in there, get an MRI, see an Orthopod, maybe even have surgery.
WRONG...We got 5 X-rays, seem by an ER doc and told to make an appointment to be seen hopefully within a week or so and - oh, by the way, don't fall you could really hurt yourself. (Do you think?)

Best part of going there: I came out of X-Ray only to hear that there had been a huge cockroach scurrying around the halls. Luckily I was in a wheelchair with my feet up! Just as a man walked by in nice slacks and dress shirt I yelled, "there it is." Without breaking his stride, the man brushed the bug off a leather seat. It flew about eight feet - passed an open door and straight down the hall. Still keeping in stride he walked over and with perfect timing, smashed it.

Amazing - Have you ever seen those puppies go? They are FAST. A few of us applauded . The guy turned around, smiled, said something like, "it's a big old building", and went on down the hall.

The absolutely, positively, best part of this story? When he turned around we saw he had on a big, black eye patch. With only one good eye the guy had nailed a cockroach. I couldn't do that with my glasses on, a can of Raid, and a frying pan.

We went and got a Margarita.

Goin' to the Dogs

2005-02-13T14:05:00.000-08:00

More about Hero? No way...I'm talking about REAL dogs (hope no one tells him what I just said). My brother asked me if I wanted to join them over in Phoenix for a "Snow-bird" vacation. They are tired of cold days, single digit nights, dirty snow on the ground, etc. I'm tired of watching rain come through my ceilings - so away we go.

We will be going to the Dog Races - them nightly - me, not so nightly. I prefer pulling the "One-armed Bandit" and since there just happens to be two Indian casinos in town, I'm in luck. I'm a gamblin' kind of woman. That's why I took my chances with Radiation and Chemo against all odds. I'd say I hit the jack pot on that one, even if it took down to my last nickel and then some.

We will be quite a threesome. I can only hope Phoenix is ready for us - there will be Gimpy (my sister-in-law with two bad knees and only one cane) - Limpy (me with "trick" knee in brace and cane) - and Nod (my brother who often needs oxygen because of his emphysema). Just thought - maybe we should just jump to chase and call an ambulance instead of a cab in case one of us goes down. We could put Brother in the middle and both lean on him but we're afraid he'd snap like a twig.

I suggested we wait until we were all feeling a little better but that was vetoed. "Let's go while we still can - gracefully or not," was the final vote. I fear getting through the airport at the crack of 11:00 am tomorrow. I can't find pants loose enough to pull up past my knee brace which has metal rods in it (sure to sound the alarm). Any shoes which give me support have to be tied and with my brace on I can't lean over that far. If you see a naked lady in an airport tomorrow - have pity. She may well not be insane - just trying her best to cope with an insane world.....
Love and Light..... Mom. I'm off to see the Dogs. Back next Sat. or so.

A Healer?

2005-02-11T10:13:00.000-08:00

Did any of you watch ABC's "Who Is John of God?" Thurs. evening on Prime Time. Three years ago I well may have kept the remote on full steam ahead, looking for something more interesting. In fact, three years ago I probably would not have had my TV on. I was simply too busy to watch more than a couple of shows a week.

"John" lives in the heart of Brazil. It took the reporter hours of riding on what looked like dirt roads to get to the village. Once there we saw dozens of people with all types of physical problems walking, being pushed in wheel chairs, limping toward one particular building. They were all wear white, per John's instructions.

He said he runs the energy of different deceased doctors through his body. Apparently he doesn't know who is going to show up for "work" on any given day. The treatment varies depending on the patient. Some say they are healed, some think they are, and some have had no change in their physical problems - but, I will say, they all LOOKED incredibly peaceful. Part of the regiment was to meditate hours a day and it certainly worked.

People stayed two weeks and received various reports from tests done upon their return to the regular system. It was interesting to note that the M.D.s didn't just cut John down as a money hungry quack. A lot has changed over the last 20 years. East/West Medicine IS integrating.

I'm fascinated by his story on many levels. First, I was told I had a brain tumor that was inoperable - at least locally. Had we not found a university hospital and a very progressive Neurosurgeon willing to take on my case, I might have found myself at John's place.

Secondly, during the active phase of receiving Radiation and Chemo I was doing a lot of spiritual work on the side. For starters, I was in a meditation class, I was grounding, running energy, bringing into my body healing Light. I had taught many, many people the how to's of all these techniques and more but forgot everything the instant I was diagnosed. Friends and colleagues stepped forward and in some cases seemed to come out of the woodwork to help me.

I don't want to be discredited as a wing-nut, so, suffice it to say that I believe a lot more goes on "behind the scenes" than in front of the camera. Son was working the camera 99% of the time, so until today was clueless about what Mom was doing in my spare time. (Hi, Son!)Mom'scancer.com

(EDIT: I haven't done an edit before but feel it is necessary- see today's first comment. In the above paragraph I said Son was "clueless" about my many non-traditional modalities. It was a poor choice of words. I'm sorry, Son. You're right - I knew that you knew what I was doing - so you were far from clueless. And don't worry - I might be half a State away from you but I most certainly will not miss a PET CT or an MRI appointment.)

There was some showmanship going on last night. But, at a minimum, John creates a space where anything is possible - where deep inner peace can be found- where a healing can take place, be it of mind, body or spirit. I hope it doesn't cost a ton of money for the two weeks, it doesn't have to.

While the Cat Was Away...

2005-02-10T09:36:00.000-08:00

...the mice worked like crazy. Years ago I was an assistant hospital administrator. It was back in the days when it was fun to run a 200 bed hospital (insurance, the joint commission and a few other obstacles took the joy out of the job). When the administrator was "out of the House" the buck stopped with me. I was determined to do such a good job that no one would miss her. Thus, this little mouse worked her butt off.

Little different these days. Both Nurse Sis and Kid Sis left on a business/pleasure trip. I have done the bare essentials - which does not include doing dishes. IF I run out of dishes, I'll consider starting the dishwasher an essential.

Kid Sis sent me an e-card today - right after "thinking about you" she wrote "Don't forget to BLOG"... Okay then - Blog? Start Income Tax Prep Work? Blog? Start In......

Actually, it's really cold in the house, and Hero is still at the foot of my bed. I must have left the electric mattress pad on when I got up to answer the phone at 7:00 am. and it's almost 10:30 am. Hummm...Blog? Bed? Blog? good night ! (or would that be good day?)

Spitin' Tacks Mad

2005-02-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

Did you ever get so pissed off you wanted to yell some great clever obscenities into the phone and finish with,"and I'll never call YOU again."?

Well, that's what I WANTED to do but I need to get into that office - so, I just said, "Fine, FAX me the questionnaire." My pain management doc finally recommended that I see an acupuncturist. He wrote me out a prescription and everything. Said I was ready. After months and months of blocking nerves, buckets full of different pills, and pain up to the Ying-Yang I was finally good to go.

I was really excited. This was going to be my first chance to start rebuilding my overworked immune system. It was going to give me increased energy and a sense of well-being. Look out Lance, I might even buy a bike!!! All I had to do was pick a time.

Today I finally got the gatekeeper on the phone. 1st clue I was new - I couldn't say the doctor's name - it was three stupid letters long and I couldn't pronounce it! Admitting I was a new patient after that seemed redundant. BUT, I was only new to that particular office - I'd been in their computer system since July. So - HA! - When can I come in?

She HA-HA'd me right back - I still needed to fill out their questionnaire. Even if I had a Pt. I.D. Number, my insurance had not changed since August, all my medical records were available at the touch of a screen - SHE had to receive my FAXED answers and decide if I was "Acupuncture worthy". If I'd had a needle, at that point I swear I'd have started looking for my own points.

FAX arrives at 4:20. Two pages long. Date - Name - Home address - Work address, E-Mail...
Four lines about my insurance coverage - Pt. I.D number....
Page -2- Past diagnosis - other problems - medicines ...
Want a copy of my insurance cards (I'd have to go Kinko's in the morning for that).

THESE PEOPLE NEED LIVES - they need places to go and people to see - they need to put my four digit number into that stupid computer and watch it go to town!!! They need to stop driving patients absolutely flippin' mad.

They do want to know my treatment goals. Obviously my goal is to get well and NEVER, ever fill out my name, rank and serial number for this organization again.

Whew! This helped a little - sending the FAX back tomorrow should help more and by the time I have the appointment with the doctor I won't remember... wait ... this sounds like childbirth!

Can You Believe It?

2005-02-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

Hero lovin' that avocado

Look at that smile on his face - the glazed eyes - Hero is in Puppy Heaven. The crop is in - an avocado fell out of the sky just for him!!

Or so it would seem . Actually, it fell from the next door neighbor's tree. The tree is 100 years old and supposedly has the best avocados around. This one is 6" long and fat - it's the biggest one I've ever seen - and the picking season usually begins in April.

By then he could be huge (but as a friend pointed out, have a very shiny coat). The idea of him being hit by one of these bombs has also crossed our minds. We're working on a chicken wire fence idea to keep him out of the area.

Humans are such kill-joys!

2005-02-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

Hero's six inch avocado

Going to IHOP

2005-02-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

Since New Year's Day (resolutions and all that) we have been on the Adkins Diet. Kid Sis, Nurse Sis and Mom have all done our best to be true to the "No Carbs Oath". I could take or leave cakes, pies and chocolate, but pass a cookie, doughnut, or helping of mashed potatoes too close and it's a goner.

I had gained 46 lbs. by the time Chemo was finished. This was more weight than I'd gained TOTALLY during my three pregnancies. Last summer I had managed to lose 16 lbs. also on the Adkins Diet. The girls thought it was a hoot to see their usually thin Mom on a diet. This time none of us have found much humor in our weight loss program. Until today I have gained and lost the same two lbs. every few days. Kid Sis has not done much better.

Today the scale showed me up three additional lbs. "That's it!!!! I'm off the diet as of NOW" I declared, storming out of the bathroom.

A few minutes later a voice from upstairs yelled down, "Hey Mom, do you want to go to IHOP for some pancakes?" We got ready in record time. Nurse Sis jumped on the scale as we were heading for the door. "Oh no! I lost two lbs. No pancakes for me. I have to stay on the diet now that it's finally working," she declared.

Later today we were watching Oprah make wishes come true for a few people. I said my wish would be for Dr. Phil to arrange a whole package of weight loss, nutrition, exercise and make-overs for me (first, since I thought of it) and others trying to get back on their feet after almost biting it. Wouldn't that be cool?

Chemo Hair

2005-02-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

I have needed a haircut for over one month. Yesterday, after the doctor's appointment, Nurse Sis drove me over to see Shawna, a sweet, perky, young hair stylist. She had cut my hair before and I'd been thrilled with the results. But since she was a long way from our house I used someone close by for "quickie" trims. My hair just got straighter and straighter.

Think I have to back up here for a minute. Up to age 5 I had naturally curly strawberry blonde locks. We moved to a higher, dryer climate and my hair lost it's curl and started turning brown. From then on it was a reddish brown (even when it had to say so on the box!) and eventually reddish blonde(different box).

We didn't know what was going to happen when I got to the "impressive university". The local docs said that I had an inoperable brain tumor. The Chief of Neurosurgery said bring her in. I figured I had an 85% chance of getting my head partially shaved. The thought of having half a head of full length hair and the other half bald made me nauseous - so, I took control (see Control Freak mentioned elsewhere).

I got a punk cut - we left it about an inch long and jelled it into little spikes. If I was going down, I'd go down looking like Susan Sarandon. All the techs, nurses, etc. and there was a bunch of etceteras loved my hair - and left it alone. I had my cyberknife procedure (see Son's Chapter 6) and when home with my inch of hair, feeling just a little silly.

At my first Chemo appointment I was warned that I could "experience hair loss" in about ten days. On day nine I woke up with what felt like feathers in my mouth - it was hair. Once again I wasn't liking the thought of what was coming next - so, guess what? I got a buzz cut - you can't lose what you don't have! Well, I think the buzz cut worked - it scared the rest of my hair so badly it stayed put. In fact, it started to grow out again.

Eventually it did all fall out and stayed out for months. When it started growing back in it was grey (Why of All Things!) but CURLY. Kid Sis and I tried to dye it my usual reddish blonde and it turned BRIGHT orange-red. Other things they don't warn you about.

NOTE: CHEMO DOESN'T LIKE MOST HAIR DYES!!!

There, hopefully I've just saved someone some money and lots of embarrassment. What worked for me was a color with ASH in it (check with pros about this, please).

So, finally you're up to speed (bottom of paragraph one)... I begged Shawna to give me a cut to bring out the natural curl she'd found before. She pulled, she tugged, she lifted, she snipped away and gave me her final report:
- Straight hair 17 - Curls -0-
The rest of her analysis was much more promising: the change in texture was a good indicator that the Chemo was out of my body. My God, this young 'un is so smart!! (Turns out her Mom has cancer and Shawna has done a lot of research on hair.)

Last night I realized that my finger nails had stopped splitting and peeling off like mica - even my toe nails were starting to look better! Seventeen months after Chemo STOPPED my body was continuing to reclaim itself. The healing process is not over...the possibilities are endless...the Cavalry is on the way!!!!!

THIS IS HUGE, FOLKS... THIS IS THE BEST NEWS I'VE HAD IN A LONG, LONG TIME.... AND ALL FROM A TWENTY-SOMETHING HAIR STYLIST.

I may fill a book on the crap that can happen that no one tells us about - in fact, how about a few lectures in medical schools about what REALLY happens to the PEOPLE they see? The fear, the wondering if a tingle is a good or bad thing, the not knowing our bodies, the holding of our breathes until after the next MRI's or CAT scans, the touching a sore spot and wondering if...

Do Something

2005-02-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

My only sib, a brother, outranks me by four years. (He was also Mother's favorite, but that's another story!) At times I would stew for hours, days, weeks, trying to make the right decision. I would look at something this way and that way..running all the what ifs into the ground - absolutely terrified of making a mistake.

His thinking was always logical and precise (he became a Marine and then an engineer). I would drive him batty with my futzing around...finally he would loose it and yell, "FOR GOD'S SAKE DO SOMETHING - EVEN IF IT'S WRONG.

Today was a good day for me to "Blog". Tomorrow I have to go see the Pain Management M.D. about my Shingles. Today I didn't have to shower, get dressed, do my hair or spend the afternoon getting to - sitting in- and going home from - the doctor's office. So, sit down, open the page and get busy typing...right after breakfast...right after I get dressed...right after, "Oh no, Hero, just because I put on the tennis shoes it doesn't mean we go for a walk. Oh, it does? Okay, but just a short one." By then it's Oprah time, then Dr. Phil...then dinner.

I Googled the Lance Armstrong Foundation site last night. It gave me pause to think more about my life. What if this is as good as it gets? What if my knee continues to bucket under me whenever it wants? (My uncle had a "trick ankle" he would tell us kids about. He would make us laugh with stories of how it would cave in on him and he'd go sprawling. I don't find my "trick knee" nearly as funny...perhaps I'm just losing my sense of humor.) Anyway, the LAF people have their acts together. I found out several details my M.D.s never discussed with me. I think the surprise of me staying alive may have thrown them off their stride.

I know I need some good after-care. I need to make some positive changes in my life and don't know where to begin. Too much time has been given to the "C" word and as I approach the two year mark of my cyber-knife procedure I am more than ready to move on. So, already, do SOMETHING, even if it's wrong.

How Are You?

2005-01-30T15:36:00.000-08:00

"How are you?"
"Fine, thanks...and how are you?"
"Great, but, sorry, I have to run."

Been there, done that, millions of times. Seems as traditional as turkey and little red wagons. Today I received an e-mail from a friend I've known for 30 years. Susan walked into the Oncologist office in No. Calif. for her first visit the day I had my last visit. (I continued care in So. Calif.) She had already been in the hospital for an emergency operation, had a different kind of cancer, different Chemo mixture but in many ways we were running (crawling along?) parallel courses.

Today when she asked if I was having trouble "finding myself?", I knew I would have to go beyond the "Fine..thanks". The truth is - I haven't felt my "old self" in almost two years. It was in March, 2003 that I had my t.i.a. (or whatever that was) which lead to entering hell.

In all due respect to the radiation and Chemo, I must blame the Shingles I got last July for really making my life miserable. (Now, of course, I realize the vicious cycle of lowered immune system & Chemo = increased chance of dah-dah - Shingles !)

I wake up in a drug-induced fog every morning. My Shingles medicine possibly helps, it is certainly strong, or is that drugged feeling left over from months of Chemo? Many days I let my dog, Hero, out the back door to go do his "business" - I go do mine -and we both go back to bed for a couple more hours.

By 11:00 or so I can slowly move around - by 4:00 I can actually pick up some speed. Toward evening my right leg starts dragging behind. My right arm loses strength and I swear that if Halloween was just around the corner I'd be ready for it. By my old standards I'm still "muddling along" as Susan so aptly put it. My brain feels fuzzy, it is hard to concentrate, worse to do bookkeeping or pay bills.

I refuse to say this is what getting old feels like. I am still looking for "quality of life". I thought I'd won the war when it was declared that I was in Full Remission. Now they tell me that was just one battle.

I recently saw a Social Worker at my "major university". She asked if I was depressed. I just stared at her and said "Who the hell in their right mind won't be?" Sweet young thing that she was, just stared back at me. I told her that some time ago I had a boss who maintained that sometimes it was more sane to be depressed than to deny it. Only a crazy person would think this was okay, gimping through life, afraid of the results from my next PET CT or MRI. Now, I don't intend to wallow in depression or live there full-time, but once in awhile a "this really sucks" may do me and a few others some good.

Okay, so I had a small chance of living this long. I'm not sure why - Is there a master plan no one is telling me about? I'm certainly no Lance Armstrong... I couldn't even steady my bike if I still had one. But, IF I have a larger purpose we'd best be getting on with it. I need co-ordination, exercises, strength, de-fuzzing and a few refresher driving lessons before I can hit the road, any road.

Patience has never been a virtue of mine and I actually am just now remembering that a long time ago I came to realize it was one of the larger lessons I was here to learn. HUMMM, imagine! Guess it took long enough today but I finally found a kernel of wisdom.

Buckets Are In Place

2005-01-28T13:03:00.000-08:00

It's raining. No big deal? Then you don't have a roof that is leaking like a sieve. Three little unlicensed men have been up there, crawling around so far, various products in tow. Tar, more tar and silicone have yet to stop the rain water. So, I got the buckets out of their resting place in the bathtub and am sitting here waiting for my ceiling to start dripping.

This reminds me of being in the "Chemo" chair - looking up at the I.V. - waiting for the toxic mixture to start its slow drip into my body. It was terrifying to think of allowing this poison in. I was doing this of my own free will. I saw the caution nurses used in handling the solutions. I knew I had to work on my fears so that the chemo could do its job.

I sought out any old friend, Dr. Tony Madrid. He is one of the most fantastic people I've had the privilege of knowing both professionally and personally. He is also a top hypnotherapist. Together, in only a couple of sessions, we worked out a plan which I used for every Chemo treatment.

Here are some highlights: Let the nurses access my Port. Get my pillow, water, blanket and get nested. Relax by taking some slow deep breaths. When I could feel myself calming down I would start imagining myself as an internal traffic director. Green light meant the Chemo was suppose to travel along that "road" Red light meant it was going to far, invading too many good blood cells.

In my minds eye I had control of my treatment. In reality, I had no idea exactly where the Chemo was in my blood stream at the moment - or where it should be. Maybe it was all about CONTROL - because, as God knows, I am a control freak. Tony knew someone who actually did his thesis on something like: the great effects Chemo can have if the patient is positive about treatment.

I'm sure, if this is an issue for you or someone you know receiving Chemo, it could be looked up. If anyone knows more about this - please share.

In Chapter 11, of mom's cancer, Son shows a sleeping me (cute, eh?). What he doesn't know about that morning is that before I fell asleep I had meditated for maybe ten or fifteen minutes. I had my "Chemo Control" system well in place and could trust it enough that I could nap.

One think that I want to mention at the get-go of my Blog is that a lot of what I did during my treatment will likely not be listed under "Standard Care". A friend calls it my "Woo-Eee" stuff. Some of it goes "Out There" pretty far. If you want to hear about it, please let me know. The more support I have, the more I'll feel like saying.

Echoes from All Sides

2005-01-26T16:23:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I sent out a shy "Hi". Within hours I heard from my daughter-in law, JLP from Peru and Jen from the Pulse who had interviewed "Son". Wow - this stuff works.

There is probably an appropriate place (like under comments?) for me to write these people back. But, for today I'll just take a few lines to answer these e-mails. Thank you K. for my first post ever. I was hoping Son would sent some kind of word that the system he helped Kid Sis set up was "good to go". Instead you took time to write!

To JLP from Peru - I want to say Hi to your mom. I would encourage you all to stay as positive as possible. This does not mean to be in constant denial, but don't live in fear, either. Kid Sis had a stack of comedy movies constantly on hand. They weren't necessarily slap stick comedy but they most certainly were not a demand that I get up and save the world. She would come into the front room and see me just sitting there staring straight ahead. She'd pop in a tape and within a few minutes, I'd forget about everything, except the present time.

I have spent my life worrying about what might come next, crossing so many bridges before coming to them that friends nicknamed me "Bridge". It has come to mean different things to different people - but the name has stuck.

And Jen from the Pulse - thank you. The interview you did with "Son" was amazing. I learned a lot from it (i.e. had no idea that Son had created so many pages that were never used). The time and thoughtfulness you put into this piece of your work is appreciated by all of us. WOW.

Hey, Kim T. in Miami - I had no idea that "real people" were ever really going to read anything I wrote - so the shock is mutual! Thank you for the wishes for my health. I spend a lot of my time being frustrated over what I can't do yet. I forget about how far I've come and what it's taken to get here.

And last for today - HELLO Hong Kong, 9! WOW, talk about an Echo....Now I'm really impressed. As for being inspiring, I'll give that one to Son. He had the nerve to bring his work forward for any and all to see - to praise - to criticize. I'm having a hard time typing today - knowing that someone other than close friends and family may actually see it.

The "real" is easier. Serious illnesses and the threat of dying give us a chance to strip off our "costumes" and make-up and get real. Who am I? What do I believe? What do I hold precious? If I believe in the Soul's progression, Heaven, the here-after, or have any hope of any part of my being living on, why am I so afraid? There is no time for pretending, putting on airs, or being phony when our life expectancy is suddenly counted in weeks - not months or years.

Thank you all for taking time out of your daily routines to read momscancer.com and momsrecovery.com. We are blessed!

Getting Up to Speed

2005-01-24T14:37:00.000-08:00

First, and foremost, thank you all for the positive thoughts, prayers and concern showered on me and my entire family over the last two years. We have certainly been blessed by friends, new and old, as well as strangers willing to reach out to us.

I received hundereds of e-mails starting as soon as friends found out about the cancer. When I was very sick "Nurse Sis" would print out the letters and read them to me whenever I needed some cheering up. We kept them in peechees. One day I found a beautiful anonymous saying and immediately printed it on the front cover:

"I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Some days flying was out of the question, breathing seemed to be challenge enough..then the thought would come to me ... all I have to do is breathe...Family and friends are holding me up.

Okay, now that I have tears of gratitude in my eyes it must be time to lighten up.

Inside, with the doors closed and the lights down low, we (Nurse Sis, Kid Sis and I) whisper - "Is it possible we brought all this rain with us?" One reason we left No. California was the 54" of average rainfall - another big reason - all the gloomy days when it couldn't decide if it wanted to rain or not. Rainy season in So. California is normally Jan. and Feb. But this year it was so excited to see us it started raining in Oct. We are now experiencing the hundred year rain...great. and they say it's all about timing!

I will be saying more about our beautiful remodeled home later but let it suffice for now to say that the man who put thousands of dollars into tearing it down to the studs and rebuilding,left on the old roof. Know any licensed roofers who work in the
West Hollywood area of L.A? I'm not kidding. Every time it rains another ceiling starts to leak - we're running out of rooms! Compared to other news, ours wains by comparison. But,it is very frustrating when you don't get what you paid for. And see, bet you thought this was all going to be about aches and pains (well, it is a PAIN, just not physical).

OTHER NEWS - Hero got a "Bear" haircut. He looks like a little black lamb and is jumping around acting like one. He may even lose some weight. Hero, a full Pomeranian, was suppose to weigh between 5 and 6 lbs. In our new back yard we had a very messy "Non-fruit" tree (we're still not sure what that means). It dropped dozens of little walnut sized pods every day. They'd hit the ground and break apart making a huge mess. Flys and Hero loved them. He got so big we were afraid he'd explode. We had the tree removed but he found a new source of Manna - the avacado tree next door was dropping some of its under developed crop onto our driveway. Hero was once again in the Promised Land. He was self-sufficient! He weighed in at 9 lbs. We both need to exercise. More about that later.

First Post - nervous!

2005-01-22T14:48:00.000-08:00

Hi!
I'm the Mom from MomsCancer.com. My son developed the comic strip as we went along in my treatment process. I, on the other hand, never made a note. I'm not one to journal or even write dates on the calendar with any clarity. So this will be a wonderful free-form of old thoughts, events, ideas, experiences mixed in with today's adventures. Whew - I'm off and running for now. More when I catch my breathe.